You know how people said to remember your high school moments, especially the last ones?Well, I realized something last night. RJ and I broke up 9 months ago. Mind blowing, right? It just doesn't feel like 9 months. It feels like 4 maybe 5 months. The reason for that, i discovered, is that I started living again, 4, maybe 5 months ago. From Januay to June, (basically), I was practically dead to the the world, and the world felt dead to me. I was frozen, like time had stopped. But it hadn't. For me? I was stuck like a demon from Supernatural in a devil's trap. I couldn't move, and i didn't try to. for 4, or 5 months. My grades dropped, i became a victem to self-mutilating and I blocked out everything and everyone. For 4 or 5 months.
But you know what sucks the most? Those 4 or 5 months, were the last 4 or 5 months of highschool for me. And they were ruined. Because basically, the only high school memories I have from my last semester of highschool, are the ones where i remember pain, suffering, hate, anger, sadness, darkness and general depression. I forgive RJ, mostly i guess. I also forgive myself.. mostly. It's a work in progress, and I am trying to get past it. But my true feelings are emerging and every once in awhile I can't hold them back.
Right now, i'm angry and sad. My last months of highschool were spent with a broken heart. That's truly something to get depressed about all over again.
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