Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Time to start a new book...

I am going to start reading "The Nature of Jade". I JUST finished "Two Way Street". I loved it very much. :P

Everything throughout the book is soooo screwed up, and there are times when you HATE Courtney, then love her, then sympathize, then there are times when you love, hate or sympathize for JORDAN. But everything starts to break open later into this massive disaster, and then settles into the typical happy ending. I really enjoyed reading it. It keeps you guessing kind of, you never REALLY are sure exactly what will happen.

I found this...

I can't help but wonder what might happen if it were RJ and I, stuck together on a road trip after we've already broken up. What would happen? Would things get better between us? Worse? Would we just both be more upset, or would we rediscover the reason we were together in the first place? I mean. I wouldn't need to. I know why I loved him, and I know why I still love him, but that doesn't change anything. I haven't the faintest idea to what is going on in his head, how he feels... nothing. But I'm always wondering. Always. Whenever I feel myself drifting off to sleep, or spacing out... Its the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before bed.
I guess I wont ever know. I cannot supply the answers to my own questions in this situation. Only one person can give me those answers.

I guess the way that my mind has decided to deal with this pain is unhealthy. I am sorry, if you're worried about me. About me hurting myself. I hope it stops soon, too. It hurts me more to know that my family and friends, and even teachers are worried about me. I am sorry. Maybe soon I will discover the strength I need to stop this bad habit. Right now I feel very weak. Hopefully that will change. Self-destructive behaviour isn't something I approve of, and I know that other people don't as well.

I hope at least that RJ is doing well. Is happy, is moving on. Is taking care of himself... Because then at least one half of the equation has been solved.

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